BORN AGAIN....AGAIN

We were standing on the side of a mountain overlooking the beautiful city of Antigua in Guatemala. Our interpretors pointed out a volcano. Rachel pulled out her camera and just as she was about to snap the picture, something appeared in her viewfinder. "What is that?" she wondered. Come to find out, she caught the beginning of a small eruption, that plume of smoke at the top.
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People ask me, "How was your trip?" I find myself at a loss for words. "Great...hard...life changing...beautiful...incredible...." How do I explain what I cannot fully grasp myself?
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I think Rachel's photo reflects how I am feeling. On the outside, everything appears calm and peaceful. But since our trip, there is this burning, churning passion and unrest. I am not sure where God is leading and what He is calling me/us to. I just know that I am not the same. It is like I have been "born again....again". There are faces that God has seared into the very center of my heart. All of our hearts. I fiercely love the owners of those faces. They flash through my mind. Sometimes, I cry remembering. Sometimes, I laugh. Sometimes, I just have to be silent. Always, I pray.
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I don't know what is next on God's agenda for us. But lyrics of Switchfoots, "New Way to Be Human" also illustrate my heartbeat....there's something new...something I have never been...something spreading under my skin....
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There's a new way to be human

Something we've never been

There's a new way to be human

IT'S SPREADING UNDER MY SKIN!!!!

Home

by Amy Holland

Well I'm home now. I can't believe it's over but I'm so happy to see my family. What an amazing trip, and I'm not sure I can even describe it in words. It was so full of emotion, so many happy moments, sad moments, joyous times, and times of despair. One of the women said in our last devotional time, she needs to wait for God to hem her up, and that's a great way to explain it.

For me it was about a little girl named Kimberly, around 3 years old, who climbed up in my lap and had nothing but smiles. She held her big bird doll and would giggle and just about everything I did :)

It was about a little girl named Diana that seemed painfully shy. Watching my mom spend time with her, warm up to her, take the time with her, and eventually make her smile and laugh.

It was about a 15 year old girl named Marisela who immediately wanted to be with me during the VBS time, who was smart, outgoing, and funny. A girl who had such a great spirit. A girl I wish I could have spent more time with.

It was about girl named Greiysi who lives in a very rough place, but still seemed to have some happiness. I pray that she finds a way out of there, a road to hope.

It was about the faces, the faces that are burned into my mind and heart. The faces I will pray for without ceasing.

It was about a little church in a small community, about the faithful people that come, some a long distance, to be there. Their pastor and his love for those people, and worshipping God in song side by side with them.

It was about girls, girls that had been pulled out of the system and taken to a transitional home funded by Buckner. Girls who were so amazing and were going to have the hope of a brighter future.

It was about two girls I've watched grow up most of their lives, and seeing them step out of their comfort zone. Seeing them do things that were sometimes uncomfortable. About seeing God's love expressed through them for all of these children and people. What a blessing! Thank you to them for being willing to allow God to use them.

It was about my sisters, who ventured out in faith to take this journey. About already having a love for them that ran so deep, yet somehow we found a way to go deeper through this journey.

It was also to remember the two that were saved, the two little one's who live in my house. The two that God brought to me out of a similar environment. Thank you God for my children!

Thank you to Craig and my Dad for holding down the fort to make this trip possible for me.

Thank you to all of those who donated toward helping make this trip possible for me. Thank you to those who donated the items I was able to take with me. You should know that the people were so greatful to receive them!

Thank you to my Mom, for sharing this experience with me. It was such a blessing to be able to go on this trip with you, and I'm so happy we were able to do it together! I love you very much!!

Thank you most to God. For giving me all I have, help me to never take it for granted. Thank you for using me on this trip. Please help me never to forget this experience, and to always remember to lift up these children to you.

Day 5 (Day of Hope)

Today was definitely a well needed breath of fresh air. I can safely say, it was a turning point for me. One word we had to keep in mind this trip was "flexibilty," which seemed almost impossible in some cases. Originally, our day was supposed to start at 9:00 AM visiting the Dump Ministry to pass out food bags. As a last minute change of plans, we were directed to the Community Center, where they gather for church and community activities. Walking off the bus into the room, I could already feel the love coming from that building. A few days ago, we stopped at the local grocery store and bought black beans, rice, flour, and sugar for each family who attended the community center church. After spending time with the kids and families, we passed out the bags of food. It was a very emotional experience as each family came up to get their food. They gave each of us a hug and kiss and a "God bless you" We ended our time there in a big circle, with a prayer and song. Later, I found out they were singing something along the lines of, "we are a blessed community, because we have the love of God in our hearts." Just thinking back, I would have never experienced that if I didnt have flexibilty in mind.

After that, we went to the BEST place of the whole trip. A transitional home that the Buckner staff had funded. The ones currently living there moved there from the Manchen house. They get to move to the transitional home if they show promise, or respond in good behavior. They were so well behaved, greeted us with hugs. There was no VBS scheduled for today, it was just a hang out day with the girls which was just a blessing. It was just very moving to see that there is some hope for the girls in the Manchen house, who didnt seem very promising. It's always great to see, at each place, the girls that instantly attach to you. It was very hard to leave them.

We then went to a baby home for our last visit of the trip. Just about 45 minutes to love and hug on all the babies and toddlers there. One boy has been in the process of being adopted by and American family who lives in Indians. This process has been put on hold for 2 years since adoption turned into baby selling in Guatemala. The family visits the boy almost every month.

Over all during this trip, I've learned to not take my family for granted. To appreciate that I have someone to love and care for me each and everyday. I've learned that everyone needs someone. I've learned to love my sisters. Like we all said tonight, I didnt think it was possible to love them anymore but I do.

Thanks for letting me share this experience with you all.

Day 4 Pics

Day 4

Today we got an early start, headed to Antigua for shopping and lunch. The city is beyond beautiful! First we drove up to a lookout point with a breathtaking view over the city of Antigua, including three volcanos in the background. One of the volcanos even erupted a bit of gray smoke!

Then we had lunch and went to the girls home to visit with 90 girls, aged 13-18.
Each day has new and different challenges. These girls are starved for love and attention.
Some have visitors, most do not. One girl was broken hearted because a visit that had been scheduled for Sunday had been cancelled and nobody was coming to see her. The poor girl was sobbing for most of the time we were there.

This home had a small group of special needs girls as well, which were precious and did their best to participate and love on their visitors. Some of the special needs girls have babies of their own. I dont know how long the babies stay at the home with their mothers.

The rest were divided up and we prepared to do the crafts and activites, VBS as we had at the other locations. One challenge was that these girls are older, and even rougher, tougher than those we met at the other facilities. But, we could see the same hope and need for love and hugs, for friends and acceptance. Many times, the girls over ran the activities- demanding the gifts or supplies we had set out for the day. There was a lot of hoarding- hiding items in pockets, and asking for more, as if none had been given, which is very common for children who have nothing of their own.

Some of these girls have babies of their own - this was really difficult to see - they could not participate in the activites unless we held the babies, so they could have time to be kids themselves. (of course I volunteered)

These events are both exhilarating and exhausting. Almost all of them end with both kids and missionaries in tears. All I know is that the eye to eye contact, the hugs and kisses, the smiles and efforts to speak one anothers language has to make a difference to all of us.

Someone said this feels like 'hit and run' relationships with these kids, and its true. This much I know is also true: A little bit of Jesus goes a longer way than anything else we have to offer - and His return on investment is eternal.
Love, Vicki
PS Angie may post some of todays pics later

DAY 3

"It was the best of times....it was the worst of times." This describes how we are all feeling. Every day has been amazing and at the same time, emotionally difficult. We have developed these immediate connections with the children we are meeting. We want to hug and love on each and every one. But of course, for each of us, there have been those special few that have crept deep into our hearts and if it was possible, we would not be leaving them behind.
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This morning we visited a community center with boys and girls 4 to 7 years old. Oh my gosh, they were so full of fun and joy. After some of our planned activities, the children wanted to perform some dances for us. It was like they wanted to gift us back. We gave so very little compared to the way the kids lavished US with their love and affection. When we got ready to leave, every single child hugged and kissed each team member. I don't know if I have ever experienced a kiss as sweet as theirs. And then they waited outside to wave good-bye as we left. Thinking about them, I am both smiling and crying....happy that I am carrying them in my heart and deeply sad that our time together was so short.
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This afternoon, we went back to the Remar home to work with teen girls, age 13 to 18 years. The girls were typical teens, yet not so typical. Looking at their beautiful faces, all we could think about was what they have to cope with in their lives and what their futures may bring. Again, each of us developed bonds very quickly with the girls. One thing that we have seen consistently is that the kids love to have their pictures taken. They pose for the camera and then quickly want to see what the photo will look like. All of us left feeling like we wished we could have given more, done more. Have we made a difference to them? I know that they have stamped themselves forever into our hearts.
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Amy said, it is hard to find the words to express how we are feeling. Our hearts are so full, yet there is this ache that has no cure. We have given of ourselves, yet what we have given seems so little....we all want to do so much more. This has been very satisfying and very frustrating all at the same time. I know that there is so much I want to share with you all, yet things I am not done keeping between me and the Lord for now.
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We are all grateful for your continued prayers and love. I never knew how much we would really need to count on that while we are here. Thank you.

More Day 2 Pics

Day 2 - Visit to the baby/toddler home, and Remar Girls Home

I am not even sure how to put into words our experiences from today. Our day was filled with such amazing experiences of sharing God's love.

We left this morning for the baby/toddler home, I think everyone was pretty excited about that, who doesn't love babies. When we arrived we were informed some of the babies were sick so we were required to wear masks during our visit (in case you see the pictures and wonder why :) The home had about 8-9 baby babies, and a couple of us at a time were allowed to go up and hold and play with them. I'm sure you won't be surprised to hear that Vicki and Angie were the first to go :) No one loves babies like our Vicki.

The rest of us were invited out to a court yard where there were about 30-40 toddler age kids playing. They had a playset, a playhouse and some toys out there to play with. They were just the most precious children and we were more than happy to spend our time with them. There are 15 of us and we just dispersed and played and loved on these kids. It was amazing in such a relatively short time how you and them can bond. Many of the kids found immediate connections with some of us and wanted to stay attached to us the entire time. It was just such a joy to bring fun and affection to them, and what an honor to do it on God's behalf. I hope and pray that they were able to feel His love for them by spending some time with us.
We brought bubbles, sidewalk chalk, beach balls and various other things, which they flocked to everytime we brought out something new. We left them messy but they had a great time!!
When our time with them was over, we gave hugs good bye and gathered in the front lobby room to leave. There were many many tears shed, it was such an emotional experience, I'm sure I can't convey in writing!

We left and went to the local mall for lunch.

After lunch we visited the Remar Girls Home, this home is set up with many buildings on the property and this visit we were spending with the 7-13 year old girls. We were taken at first to the building where some of the older girls live (we will visit with them tomorrow afternoon), they showed us their room and talked to us for a bit, they also gave us some of their hand made jewlery which they were so proud of. Afterwards we went to a large rec type room to do our VBS with the younger girls. We had maybe 5-10 come in at first but as we began the room began to fill up quickly. We ended up with about 30 girls and about 10 boys (they came from somewhere else on the property). We shared with them the story of Esther and they learned a Bible verse. After that we made some crowns with them (like Queen Esther) and had a playtime. Again, another joyous experience. They were all so excited to have us there, they were so engaged by the story and listened intently. They had a blast making the crowns and playing the games with us. We were able to spend a good amount of time just playing and having fun with them at the end. Before we left each child was given a gift bag (the boys received soccer balls and some candy - as we weren't expecting them). The girls were given candy, necklaces, hair accessories, stickers and other fun stuff.

In the evening we were taken to a local restaurant for dinner, where some of us were able to make our own tortillas.

What a blessed day we all had! What an honor to serve these special special children in this way. I can't wait to see the blessings God has for us over the next three days!!

Thank you for your prayers for us and the children we are serving, it means so much!

Day One - Day of Travel

Packing Party

Finally landing in Guatemala

Trying to keep my composure while dealing with getting us rebooked

Well we finally arrived in Guatemala safe and sound (so did our luggage). After a VERY long day of travel, delays, and challenges. Our flight from Detroit to Houston was unable to land because of weather, so they wanted us to hold for an hour for it to clear, however our plane didn't have enough fuel. We ended up having to land in Shreveport and wait in the plane about an hour for the plane to refuel and gain permission to go to Houston. When we finally arrived there, we of course had missed our flight to Guatemala. When we tried to get rebooked we ran into some challenges. There was a flight at 1115am, and the next one at 730pm. Both were showing full :( So we were told we would have to split up. My fear of course were that some might make neither and then what??? So we got ourselves on standby and headed for the gate of the 1115 flight. We were told probably not, but he'd let us know once the plane was fully boarded. So we waited, stressed out a bit, and then we prayed. We so badly wanted to stay together, there were so many worries with splitting up.

So the plane was loaded, we went back to the counter, and we all made the flight. Yeah God!!

That hurdle was behind us, we were scattered on the plane but all on the same flight and hoped for the best for our luggage. When we arrived in Guatemala we were so excited to find everything made it with us! Then we walked out to look for our ride, but, no one was there with our sign. We waited a few minutes, talked about what to do, then a van arrived with our hotel written on the side. He seemed to know of us, and we decided to take the van.

We made it to our hotel, better late than never. We met the fantastic group of women we would be sharing this trip with and spend the next few hours going through all of the items we all brought with us and sorting them out by orphange we would visit. It was pretty crazy but so amazing and exciting too. Thinking about the next few days and how all those items will be used and will touch children's lives.

So we have been up since 3am, it's now 1030pm (our time, 830pm Guatemala time) and we are all pretty much exhausted.